It seems that all is not what it appears to be here at TORWars Orbital Command. Even powerful Sith lords have to constantly watch their backs, as a young apprentice may be orchestrating some evil holiday inspired machinations behind their backs!

Our very own Kristen Archer, Editor of Guilds and Community here at TORWars, is just such an apprentice. She got together with the very talented Greg “Rackam” Moran (who’s been featured on TORWars before) and, at her direction, he composed an illustration of myself and David Moore, the evil co-founders of TORWars. Were we depicted in our true, evil forms? No. Were we depicted as world conquerors and oppressors of freedom? No. Were we depicted as formidable warriors, hacking of the limbs of all those pesky, goody-two-shoes Jedi? No. “Well then,” I hear you asking, “how were you depicted?”

As elves.

Yes, you heard me, elves. Not some sort of smoldering drow or nefarious dark elves, either. In fact, not even cool (if slightly effeminate) Legolas-style elves. No, we are now immortalized as wee little Christmas elves.

Never have two Sith lords been so utterly, mercilessly mocked

If David and I were true Sith lords, we’d of course have exacted immediate, painful revenge on our young apprentice. In this case, however, the pic Kristen and Rackam have conspired to send our way is so downright delightful, we practically wet ourselves, falling on the floor and writhing about with some very immature fits of giggling. Inspired by the pic, we then proceeded to mock one another mercilessly:

“Look, David!” I said. “Your lightsaber is pointed the wrong direction!”

“Oh yeah?” He retorted, “At least I’m not wielding a slave bikini as a weapon!”

“And your driving is so bad, you managed to lose Yoda out of the back of the sleigh!” I pointed out cleverly.

“Oh look,” David said calmly, “Your just as fat in this picture as you are in real life! In fact, I’d bet you’re the only 230 pound elf in the entire North Pole!”

You see that, folks? Are you now seeing the evil beauty of her dark plan? This is how a true evil apprentice behaves. She comes up with a plot, she executes it in perfect secrecy, and she gets her two Sith masters to turn on one another. Very clever, our young apprentice has become.

We’re just so proud of her.

[You can catch more of Greg "Rackam" Moran's work over at The Jedi Gambit (He also did our holiday header!) And a very big thank you goes out to you, Kristen!]