I never thought about it, but if I'm paying credits for a taxi, I demand that there be a taxi driver!

There has been no shortage of Star Wars: The Old Republic reviews since the game launched a little over a month ago. Today, MMORPG’s Coyote Sharptongue, posted a review of the game that is a bit different than the rest.

Regular TORWars readers know that we like to take a lighter approach to SWTOR news, (we think we’re funny at least), and if you were getting tired of the same old review, this one is actually pretty humorous. Many of the strengths and weaknesses presented in the article are similar to the other, mostly favorable reviews out there. This shouldn’t be a surprise considering the majority of the community agrees that the story is great and the UI sucks needs work. Still, the article is a good break from the norm. Below are a few of my favorite bits, but you can get the full read here.

Solo missions, group missions, storyline driven private instances, space combat and customizable companions – the game really does have it all. Sure, it implements the “tool bar” style of every other MMORPG out there, but it does so in such a way that you’re not overly aware that you’re using them during combat.

The graphics are decent, and while I’ve heard the wailing sobs of “no high res as promised” and “high res is broken” from the forums, the graphics that are in place are decent enough that it doesn’t affect or take away from game play in the least.

And the storylines are phenomenal, even if the Sith corruption that comes with choosing the “dark” options looks less like the influence of evil, and more like weird space eye herpes.

and…

Planets don’t have to be the size of actual planets. I get that Tattooine is a vast expanse of wasteland and womprat droppings, but at times it feels absolutely *too* big. Moses didn’t spend this much friggin’ time in the desert.

The first few times you have to travel on foot, or by the welfare speeder mount that you obtain during your early levels, it isn’t too bad. You get to see new worlds, encounter creatures and other players, and it helps the zone actually feel like it is bigger than your average MMORPG instance.

The fourth or fifth time you have to hoof it through the same massive expanse of land in order to get back to the quest giver and turn in your 10 womprats? (See what I did there? SEE?) Frustration begins to overcome you and you get antsy for a new character just so that you can get a change of scenery.

As for the “Taxi” service; why am I paying for a taxi that I have to drive, and why can’t I go to destinations that I haven’t discovered? You can synthesize food and develop a true artificial intelligence in the form of an android life form, but no one has invented a GPS yet?

and of course, this…

This game is so story driven, and puts you in the spotlight to such a degree that it is no longer about the destination – you’re supposed to be enjoying the journey. And if that isn’t a good enough reason to slow down and stop to smell the roses…consider this: My level 33 smuggler has nailed five NPC’s so far.

FIVE.

And he doesn’t even have the Sith corruption herpes. Well…not on his face.